Don't Should On Me
By Dana Rayburn, Adult ADD Coach

ADDed Success is ADD Coach Dana Rayburn's monthly newsletter about living
successfully with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD / ADHD).

Welcome to ADDed Success!
Do you get fed up with being 'shoulded' on? I certainly do.

You SHOULD do this. You SHOULD do that.

All the zillions of ideas other people have for what you SHOULD do to improve
your life.

All the many thoughts you have for what you SHOULD do to be a better person.

Last week I discovered a web site that at first glance I thought fabulous. It's a blog
about living more simply; clearing life and home of unnecessary clutter. Sounds
great doesn't it?

However, I soon felt bombarded by shoulds.

For example, according to the blogster I SHOULD clean my bathroom after EACH
TIME I USE IT. Give me a break. I'm lucky if I've got toilet paper on hand let alone
getting out the toilet brush each time I go!

So why do shoulds make me so livid?

Because shoulds are someone else's idea of how I ought to do things. When
someone tells me I SHOULD do something they are imposing their beliefs on me.

Adults with ADHD are challenged enough living day-to-day without other people
telling us what we should do.

To Outsmart your ADHD you have to do what works for you. Not what others think
you should.

So what do you do when you're being shoulded on? You notice the shoulds and
choose what is right for you.

Please, beware of other people shoulding on you.

While you're at it, beware of shoulding on yourself.

The Last Word
(Note: This is the October 2007 issue of ADDed Success).

Last week we had to put our beloved dog, Scoop, to sleep. Scoop, at nearly
17-years, was still in pretty good shape until late one night when he started
having debilitating seizures.

We figure he had a brain tumor. Not wanting him to suffer, our vet came
out and put Scoop to rest the next day.

Scoop was more than 'just a dog' to our family. Scott and I called him our
first-born. Aja called him her brother. He was a remarkable guy. Funny,
affectionate and sensitive; Scoop was as loyal a friend as we'll ever have.

We are truly heart broken over Scoop's death. Our lives suddenly seem very
empty. I feel as though my heart has been buried in the grove of trees in our
backyard.

I've noticed a lot of shoulds come with death of a pet.

Other, well-meaning people shoulding on me:

• "You shouldn't grieve as deeply for a pet as for a human."
  
• "You should just go out and get another dog."
  
• "He was just a dog - you should just get over it."

I'm shoulding on myself, as well:

• "I should be strong for Aja."
  
• "I shouldn't cry in public."

In the midst of all these shoulds I choose to examine what's truly right for me
right now. To grieve as deeply and for as long as I need for our dear sweet boy
who made us so very happy for so many years.

To Your ADDed Success,
Dana

PS. - Trouble Staying Organized? No Problem! Reserve your copy of 'Organized
for Life' at the special 'early-bird' price.

Unleash Your Power
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their life. Learn more about coaching for business people and other high
functioning adults with ADHD.

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